Boku no Yume wo Miru ka?
by Jaela-chan
Summary: Spoilers inside. Shia and Misha are gone, but for Kotarou, the show must go on. An account of Kotarou's life, postmanga storyline.


**Lesson 1: Atarashii Undougutsu wo Kau Houhou**

They were pretty plain, really. Just regular white-and-gray sneakers. Nothing particularly special. Kotarou sighed as he laced up the early Christmas presents he'd bought for himself. He thought it was kind of weird to get himself a gift, especially something so ordinary, but his old shoes were well-worn and wouldn't last him another school year. That is, if there was to be another school year at all. That one depressing thought had been nagging at the back of Kotarou's mind for longer than he could rightly feel comfortable with. _Will I be able to stay with my friends? Can I go on to junior high at all?_ He could feel his heart sinking every time it entered his thoughts.

"Kotarou-kuuuun!" Suddenly Kotarou's heart leapt into his throat. No matter how many times this happened, he could not get used to it.

"Good morning, Misha-san," he sighed, "how exactly did you get in?"

"Eeheeheehee." The older girl grinned innocently. "Kotarou-kun, you've been studying so hard su," she said, coming up behind him to wrap her arms around his neck. "I wanted to come and cheer ya up so ya won't be so gloomy su!"

_Of course,_ Kotarou thought, _she _would_ break in here for a weird reason like that._ "I'm… really just fine, Misha-san. I should get back to studying.

"Unya?" Misha came to stand in front of him and tilted her head to the side, studying his face. "You look hungry. You should come get some food so ya aren't studying on an empty tummy su."

Kotarou couldn't figure how she'd come to that conclusion, but it was no use arguing with her now. He sighed. "I guess I could do with something to eat."

Korarou's feelings for Misha were more complicated than the half-finished practice problems that had been sitting on his desk gathering dust for far too long now. He tried to push those feelings and the thoughts they provoked to the back of his mind, but it wasn't enough to allow him to pretend they weren't there. He knew that before long, he'd have to face them. Eventually, he'd have to figure out his feelings for Misha, just like he'd have to figure out those practice problems. The difference was, one was going to be a whole lot harder than the other.

"Wai wai! Kotarou's gonna come eat some yummy food su! Kotarou and me and Shia-chan all eating together, like a real family su!"

He knew she meant well, but Misha sure knew how to say some pretty interesting things that would catch Kotarou off-guard. He wondered what she meant, exactly, by "like a real family." She'd said it once, hadn't she? That she would be his new mother. It was just as absurd as the day she'd said it, but was that what she meant? Or was it something else?

"Oh! Good evening, Kotarou-san!" Shia's eyes widened, her soft voice expressing clear delighted surprise. "I see you convinced him, Misha-san," she added to her roommate, giving her a brief look of approval.

"Yep! Now the extra food won't go to waste su!" She bounced up on the balls of her feet, folding her hands together as if in prayer. She seemed very proud of herself for succeeding in breaking Kotarou from his studies.

"It's curry tonight, Kotarou-san. Is that alright with you?"

"Un," he said in an enthusiastic approval.

This was where things got even more complicated. For Shia, another set of complex feelings rose in Kotarou's chest, sometimes into his throat, obstructing his ability to speak or even to breathe. They were different from his feelings for Misha, but equally enigmatic. He had reflected on both emotions. Around Misha, Kotarou felt as if he was trying to remember something that was on the tip of his tongue… a simple phrase or someone's name. Something a person ought not to forget, but he couldn't quite remember. Around Shia, he felt as if he was just about to fall asleep in a place that was soft and warm, but didn't quite feel safe. As if he didn't know what he would wake up to, should he let himself fall asleep. Neither feeling was entirely good or bad. That was what was so confusing.

Kotarou wondered vaguely how many nights he would spend with these girls. How many careless smiles and laughs they'd have among them if you went back later and counted them up.

Not enough. Not nearly enough.

That was more than a year ago. The apartment next door was full of the shadows of those evenings. Stopping by each day, sometimes Kotarou could catch glimpses of them. The smell and taste of curry would overwhelm his senses, but only for a heartbreakingly few short moments.

"Shia-san, Misha-san, itekimasu!" he called out to the shadows, before the scent of Shia's cooking disappeared. That night, Misha had spilled curry powder on those brand new sneakers and attempted to clean it off with a dish towel soaked with lemon juice. The remaining stain, growing fainter with the passing days and months, was proof that Misha had been there, clumsy and desperate to help. It was proof that Shia had been there, a soft-spoken world-class gourmet. Those shadows were proof that they were still there, or at least some part of them was. They would wait for Kotarou to stop by and say goodbye to them each morning. "Iterasshai," they would answer, standing at the doorway, seeing him of with cheery waves and smiles.

_I loved you, Shia-san. I loved you, Misha-san. I'm sure I still do. I hope you know that, wherever you are._

_----------_

Ten-chan smiled and waved, the same as ever. "Yo, Kotarou!" He didn't know. Kotarou didn't have the heart to tell him. The two mysterious girls who had unexpectedly invaded their lives with personalities full of color and life had left this world just as suddenly as they'd come. Whatever Ten-chan's belief on the matter was, he seemed so very as peace with it.

Kotarou envied that.

"Good morning, Kotarou-kun!" It would be a lie to say that Koboshi-chan was unchanged, too, because she bore a new and different smile, the smile of someone who has grown up a lot very quickly. Her every gesture played out with an extra boost of self-confidence. She may have changed even more than Kotarou had himself. Her transformation, however, was very different. Kotarou had been forced out of his childhood by circumstances beyond his control. Koboshi, gathering all of her strength to confess the feelings she'd harbored for Kotarou, had personally freed herself of that burden and made a personal decision to leave her childhood behind and grow up.

Kotarou envied that, too.

"Good morning." It wasn't his own strength with which he smiled. He felt as if he was already living on borrowed time, and none of his careless smiles and casual words belonged to him. It was an awkward feeling akin to the one he'd felt back then, wearing those new shoes that still weren't broken in enough to fit his feet well.

"Hey, Kotarou, are you free on Friday?" Koboshi tilted her head to the side in such a way that her hair spilled over her shoulders flatteringly.

"Why?"

"Why don't you go to the game center with us?"

"Sounds good. Let's go."

"I'm going to challenge you to that new hand-to-hand fighter game," Ten-chan warned, grinning, "so you'd better prepare yourself."

Kotarou laughed. Living on borrowed time. Talking, joking, laughing in someone else's voice. Living a life that was no longer his. This is a melancholy existence. Still, he'd been walking around in those curry-stained shoes long enough that they felt warm and comfortable around his small feet.

When buying new shoes, it's no use to look for a perfect fit. Instead, look for a pair that you can wear into nicely, that will give your toes a little room to grow.

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Author's notes: As is normal with things Jaela writes, the first chapter is short, and the author's notes are long. Let's see. I was originally going to call this fic "Nani ga yume wo miru ka?" For some reason, I thought that title was a little too long, so set out to think up a shorter title that would still capture the 'feel' I was going for. I eventually gave up and named the fic "Boku no Yume wo Miru ka?" which, of course, is NOT a shorter title. However, I like it better than the original title, so maybe it's a good thing that I had my doubts about it in the beginning.

Friends of mine recently got me into Pita Ten, which I'd previously been really skeptical about. I was surprised to find a solid story and loveable characters there, and I now have a desperate longing to fandub an episode or two and play Kotarou's voice (yes, even though I'm a girl). This is not an insult to anyone in particular, but we all know Pita Ten can be hyper and random, and all the Pita Ten fics I've read here are the same way. I wanted to write something a little more serious with a little more emphasis on story and character development. I'm not sure if I really pulled that off or not.

I started writing this before I finished the series, so it kind of… took a turn, needless to say, when I read the last two volumes. Yes, I was teared up and sniffling. My Kotarou changed a lot, and so did this story. I don't know if I'll write more after this… I'll mark it as In Progress and see what happens.

Oh, and I need your help with something. Actually, two somethings. Firstly, you know how the Pita Ten manga is split into "Lessons" and they're all like "How to…"? Yeah, what word(s) do they use for that in the Japanese version? I didn't know, so I used "Houhou." I'd like to know the actually word(s) used to preserve authenticity. Secondly, does anyone know how Kotarou refers to himself in the Japanese version? I thought he'd use a combination of "ore" and "boku," so I used boku in the title. If he only uses "watashi" or something, please tell me so I can adjust the title accordingly. (sweat drop) Thanks!

Annnd as with all of my fics, I am very open to suggestions for things you'd like to see happen later on. On this one, I'm kind of shaky on which pairings to ship for… so maybe some of you can try to persuade me. XD

Reviews are my life energy! I love you all!

-Jaela


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